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MUCH OF
MY STRESS SEEMS TO OCCUR WHEN I TRY TO MAKE DECISIONS WITH OTHERS, BOTH AT WORK
AND HOME. WHY IS THAT AND WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
So many of us have problems around the
idea of making decisions with others. We either fear we won't be heard or
that we might not get our own way. The fears in and of themselves don't
cause the problems, it's what we do with those emotions that can lead to
chaos. In my book, "The Secret to 'I AM,'" I discuss how we have
two tendencies when it comes to relating in difficult situations. Some of
us go into a flight pattern (we believe we will not be heard), others go into a
fight pattern (we believe we might not get our way). Both of these
relating styles are ineffective because they are not open and mutual ways of
relating. Staying open to your own needs and perceptions WHILE staying
open to the other persons, is a balancing act. More specifically, here are
some of the ways we sabotage that balance and openness:
COMPETING style: This is a tendency to
think your ideas are always right. If you have this style, you try to force your
idea, because you believe in your heart it is the best.
COMPROMISING style:
That sounds nice on the surface, but the
sacrifice is often the best decision for the sake of the
relationship.
AVOIDING style: This style procrastinates decisions and
avoids discussions because of a fear of conflict.
ACCOMMODATING
style: This approach seems very nice on the surface but is far too focused the
other person's needs. Eventually, it leaves the one accommodating
with the feeling of resentment, because they have not been open enough to your
open needs!
So then what is the best way to make decisions?
BY COLLABORATION!
The focus in collaborating is a commitment to brainstorming & listening to
each other openly, to find the best solution to the problem. By having a collaborative attitude
you can open up the
"field of possibilities" to new and better solutions.
WHAT CAN
I DO ABOUT IT?
Follow these Steps:
- Notice the Emotion you or someone else
might be feeling when you are attempting to make a decision together.
- Breathe
- Feel the emotion
- Name the emotion, if you can
- Ask yourself What is the emotion about?
- Breathe
- If it is your emotion: Ask yourself,
"What do I need to do or say?"
If it is someone else's emotion: get curious, ask them,
"How are you feeling about this decision?"
- Breathe
- Listen to your inner wisdom, as you stay
open to the other person
- Follow your inner wisdom, Take action if
you are being directed to do so...let go of the outcome
Do you have more
questions, call us at
(262) 785-8188
all contents are
copyright Susan K. Wehrley & Associates, Inc 2004
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Stress and Decision Making 
